How to open your heart to lasting change (how "understanding" is stopping you & how to fix that.)
How to open your heart to lasting change.
Oof. It stinks when life stinks, doesn’t it?
Check out how “understanding” can block your healing.
See how "understanding" can block your resilience.
Hear how my need to "understand" almost kept me trapped.
Those of you that know a bit of my story know that I have been married.
And then not married.
And then married.
And then not married.
Yikes.
The first one, I escaped domestic violence.
The second, as he drove away, I was devastated. I thought I was SUCH a loser.
Turns out – I really really am.
Loser. Yup. Absolutely.
I’ve lost the tolerance for being a victim.
I’ve lost the tolerance for allowing disrespect and disdain in my life.
I’ve lost the willingness to people-please to my detriment.
I’ve lost the willingness to stay stuck in my baggage and pain and bitterness.
That was the day I committed to making change. Real change. Lasting change.
I decided that I would figure out how to let go the bitterness.
How to let go the beliefs that were keeping me stuck and doing the same old thing over and over.
Not sure if you can relate to this part, but even though I was committed to make the changes, I wasn’t sure how.
At one point, I even found myself bargaining with God.
“God – I will let go of the bitterness and anger as soon as I understand HOW this happened again. I want to understand why he left. I want to understand why I failed at this again even though I thought I was a pretty good person.”
I wanted, desperately, to understand the pain.
I wanted to feel better.
And somehow that got twisted up – like as if understanding would actually fix anything.
I found myself bound up in that for a few days.
Then one day – it hit me.
If I make my healing about HAVING TO UNDERSTAND, then I’ll probably never get that healing.
Not sure how this is landing for you, but I had just made myself a hostage out of NEEDING to know.
Looking back, I just wanted the pain gone, and was willing to get controlling in order to do that.
And let’s get real. We get so caught up in the ILLUSION of having control.
The TRUTH is that...
We NEVER have control over others.
We SOMETIMES have some control over the circumstances.
We ALWAYS have the choice to control our own responses.
3 simple questions to ask to get your control back (even if the situation looks impossible):
1) What CAN I do in this situation?
2) What tiny step could I take, if I chose to, to make it better?
3) How would I look at this IF I was feeling confident?
As he drove away, and I was sobbing in the mirror – I decided that I would do whatever it took to heal.
I surrendered.
I allowed my NEED TO HEAL to be bigger than the Need to Understand.
I allowed the Answer to be bigger than the Problem.
I chose to let the healing process begin.
I decided to take the steps I know I needed to take.
I got honest with myself.
I got myself some resources.
I got some support.
And the blessings that have followed are more than I could ever ask or imagine.
The healing is yours. Take the first step.
It may or may not be the right time right now.
Get in touch when it’s time.
Love and Peace - Ana-Christina
Book your free consult call now: https://toolsofhopebookings.as.me/CoachingConsultCall
P.S. Oh? Yes. I’m married now. For the first time, really married. Loving, honoring, mutual. Blessings all around.